Often when you hear somebody has fallen ill, died or is suffering, the reaction from most of us is sympathy. Yet this good trait does not always translate into empathy, of actually understanding what the person or persons are enduring. Some may term this as human nature and others may say it is not possible to truly understand the sufferer. However, this misconception must be eradicated. There is an urgent need to raise awareness about illnesses, specifically breast cancer in this article, for its religious, medical, psychological and social effects are diverse and dramatic. Isolation, anger, lack of information and health support, fear of death and a test of faith are only some of these effects. I guess you can say my experience of breast cancer was undoubtedly a shock to me but a shock I would later understand. When I first knew I had breast cancer, it was a typical day and I had just dropped off my kids to school. In fact, since the day I had my mammogram, which was 6 weeks prior to me being informed of the illness, I commonly thought ‘everything was okay.’ Little did I know what would await me. When I was called in at my local breast clinic and I saw three doctors staring at me, I sensed this would be an extraordinary day. Their staring had a reason. I had breast cancer.

My initial reactions to being informed were filled with pessimism, lack of preparation and anger. I detested the way I was told I had breast cancer. The doctor’s tone was distinctly cold. Almost as a quip, he said ‘Yup, just as we expected, its breast cancer.’ It is easy to say one should immediately accept the results. In reality, however, it is important to understand the severity of the event. Understanding comes with time.

I also had to confront the illness with minimum information and there was little time to have a proper discussion with the doctor. But what I really felt bitter about was the time I had to wait for my mammogram. I had applied for it at the age of 37 yrs, some time after my mother died from breast cancer but they refused me. Then my aunty was diagnosed with breast cancer and after persevering, they finally granted me permission. By that time I was 42 yrs of age and the cancer had made its nest in me for 5 yrs. Because of unjust refusal and delay, I could have died. Thankfully to Allah (s.w.t), I am alive.

My deeper feelings to the illness, however, were something, which I had to contemplate over. As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I thought about my kids but it remained a thought. I literally could not face them, nor inform them of the seriousness of the illness. Still, my thoughts festered. I contemplated about ‘tidying up my life’, asking for forgiveness from God. But I also thought, ‘Why me?.’ There were many emotions but emotions, as time passed by, made me realise God was testing me.

At this point, I must emphasise that this test of faith needs support from family and friends as breast cancer is a most lonely illness. But in the ultimate sense, this test is an individual test. You have to prepare to tackle the illness because it is your body that will mentally and physically suffer. Here, extra prayers are invaluable.

Some of these feelings remained, whilst others escaped me as I embarked on the next stages of my journey, the operation and treatment.The removal of the lump from my breast was successful and at that point, I felt a sense of relief. But what hit me with unflinching force, putting me in a daze, was the doctor’s recommendation that I undergo chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Radiotherapy only involved short appointments per week of absorbing heat rays to kill off bad cells. But chemotherapy was an uphill struggle, one that I cannot easily forget. It involved periodical injections of drugs with major side effects. From nausea, muscle pains, tiredness to mouth soreness and loss of hair, I was truly terrified. I literally screamed when I went for a shower and my hair fell off in lumps. It was as if I was losing my feminity. My reaction was somewhat confirmed by my relatives’ reaction. They also could not face to see me.

One experience during my chemotherapy treatment, which will also remain with me, is when my body reacted negatively to some of the drugs. When this happened, I could not breathe and my face began to swell up. I was losing air and could not speak. I felt I was going to die.

Thankfully, my husband called the nurse in time and I recovered from that frightful episode. Such an episode filled me with sickness of the thought of enduring chemotherapy. I felt I was a little child on my first day of school, nervous, frightened and nobody to turn to.

The final stages of treatment involved taking extra drugs and steroids so as to put my body in balance, as I was losing vital cells. Again, the side effects of muscular and shooting pains, discolouring of nails, dryness of skin, restlessness and mouth ulcers took their toll on me. I share this with you because breast cancer is not a temporary illness. Its effects continue long after the operation and initial treatment.

During my treatment, it was pleasant that all the phone calls were for me instead of my husband! But it is also important to realise that family and friends support may waver and this is something you have to accept. Everyone’s life is busy and you cannot burden them with your illness. People’s reactions also differ. Some may be more easy-going than others whilst others may not know how to behave around you. This is also a reminder that you should try and get back to leading your life normally.

And, one of the major ways sufferers or potential sufferers can do this is to be aware of the illness and how to prevent it. Breast cancer is a common illness today and more women are suffering from it now than ever before but it is treated as a taboo subject, both at a community and society level. It is imperative that information and medical advice (in all languages) be given to all women but at the same time, women must also be prepared to educate themselves on it. Secondly, it is vital to go for regular check ups and apply for a Mammogram to detect cancerous growth. Early detection can save lives but in particular, those who are under the age of 50, should be entitled to have a Mammogram especially if it runs in the family. Thirdly, support on a medical, family, religious, counselling and communal level needs to be increased to provide a backbone to the sufferer. In terms of physically easing the process, reflexology and aromatherapy definitely help to reduce stress and anxiety, which I would personally recommend.

I am a User Representative for the North East London Cancer Partnership group and a volunteer for Macmillan. Thus, I began my journey to help other cancer sufferers raising breast care awareness among women of the ethnic minority communities and especially for women under the age of 50. I am now a tutor for the living with cancer programme for Macmillan which is a self management programme that allows one to cope with their illness and at the same time gives them confidence, live well and have a positive view of life. I live for each day, month and year which to me is great achievement. I also take part in various charities that gives me inner satisfaction. However, at the back of mind there is always an uncertainty that the cancer can come back anytime and so I will always appreciate a new day and thank God that I am alive to enjoy once more another day. It’s all about having a positive outlook in life…..